Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
