i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
