your thong is hanging out like whoa
love makes seman taste better
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
