I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
what day is it and did you see me today?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
