We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
