Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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