Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
