I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
