paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
