how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
