Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
