I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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