And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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