Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
