Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
