I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
