Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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