____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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