Welp...herpes.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
