NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
