If i come over, it means nothing
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
