The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
A bitchslap is in order.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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