Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
