I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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