I'm jealous of your bromance
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
