Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
