Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
