Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
