gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
