take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
