Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i think i just lost a toe
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
