id be glad to
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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