Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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