At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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