We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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