He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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