What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
