feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
