Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
