He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
