Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
