He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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