Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
