yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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