made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
A bitchslap is in order.
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