When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
