i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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