I'm so fucking centered right now
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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