It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
