if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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