You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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