if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my poor anus
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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