is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
