I must be too annoying 4 u.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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