I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
