I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
