Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
