I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
