So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
